They say losing weight is a journey, but it’s so hard to remember that when things aren’t going so well. After 2+ years on Weight Watchers, along with the highs and lows of my weight, it feels so hard to get back on track. I want to lose weight, I want to feel good in my clothes, I don’t want to avoid social outings because I have low self-esteem, so why can’t I just shut up, track my food and go to the gym?
Then I have to come to terms with, well if I want it, why don’t I just do it? What am I allowing to stop me from making good food choices? I have all of the tools I need with Weight Watchers, I have access to healthy food and I have a gym down the hallway from my apartment. What more do I need to have to make the effort? I believe the biggest obstacle in my way is discipline. I’ve never used willpower to get through something. If I want it, I have it. I don’t exercise control over my impulses — if I am not hungry and there is something sitting there, I’ll grab it just because it’s there.
Today I went to Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time and saw a gain at the scale. There was a +2.6 gain this week, making my current weight at 208.
Remember when I said I was ecstatic to get out of the 200s? Remember when I said I would never allow myself to see a ‘2’ in front of my weight again? Well, here it is. I’ve gained back 10 pounds in the last 5 months. Ever since hubby transitioned to his new job in California, I’ve been struggling. I really don’t know why I just struggle to get back on the wagon after making such good progress. Today’s weigh in of 208 depressed me, but it lit a spark under my butt. We talked about routines and making safe places around us, and that is something I know I can change. My kitchen and pantry is often in disarray, leading me to avoid cooking at home or finding healthy recipes using things in the pantry.
Clearing away that clutter will help me refocus in the kitchen. With hubby’s uncertain future, I can’t afford dining out. I have dozens of Weight Watchers cookbooks — so there are plenty of great recipes to find and make. Planning is the key for me. It’s something I’ve been doing 50% and it shows. I need to plan out exactly what I am going to eat throughout the day and just stick to it. Water is another thing I’ve been struggling with — yesterday was the first time in weeks I actually had more than a cup of water. Maybe today’s 208 weight was bloat and water, but I don’t care how it’s there — it needs to come off.
I am not going to create a list of things I “plan on doing”. I am doing them now. Tracking. Meal Planning. Drinking Water. I need to take it one meal at a time right now and start feeling good about myself!