It’s a Journey!

Weight Loss


They say losing weight is a journey, but it’s so hard to remember that when things aren’t going so well. After 2+ years on Weight Watchers, along with the highs and lows of my weight, it feels so hard to get back on track. I want to lose weight, I want to feel good in my clothes, I don’t want to avoid social outings because I have low self-esteem, so why can’t I just shut up, track my food and go to the gym?

Then I have to come to terms with, well if I want it, why don’t I just do it? What am I allowing to stop me from making good food choices? I have all of the tools I need with Weight Watchers, I have access to healthy food and I have a gym down the hallway from my apartment. What more do I need to have to make the effort? I believe the biggest obstacle in my way is discipline. I’ve never used willpower to get through something. If I want it, I have it. I don’t exercise control over my impulses — if I am not hungry and there is something sitting there, I’ll grab it just because it’s there.

Today I went to Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time and saw a gain at the scale. There was a +2.6 gain this week, making my current weight at 208.

Remember when I said I was ecstatic to get out of the 200s? Remember when I said I would never allow myself to see a ‘2’ in front of my weight again? Well, here it is. I’ve gained back 10 pounds in the last 5 months. Ever since hubby transitioned to his new job in California, I’ve been struggling. I really don’t know why I just struggle to get back on the wagon after making such good progress. Today’s weigh in of 208 depressed me, but it lit a spark under my butt. We talked about routines and making safe places around us, and that is something I know I can change. My kitchen and pantry is often in disarray, leading me to avoid cooking at home or finding healthy recipes using things in the pantry.

Clearing away that clutter will help me refocus in the kitchen. With hubby’s uncertain future, I can’t afford dining out. I have dozens of Weight Watchers cookbooks — so there are plenty of great recipes to find and make. Planning is the key for me. It’s something I’ve been doing 50% and it shows. I need to plan out exactly what I am going to eat throughout the day and just stick to it. Water is another thing I’ve been struggling with — yesterday was the first time in weeks I actually had more than a cup of water. Maybe today’s 208 weight was bloat and water, but I don’t care how it’s there — it needs to come off.

I am not going to create a list of things I “plan on doing”. I am doing them now. Tracking. Meal Planning. Drinking Water. I need to take it one meal at a time right now and start feeling good about myself!


Menu Planning!

Yesterday I mentioned how I am going in the wrong direction with my weight loss. I was feeling down about how I have gotten off track and the lovely Miss Marisol shared her own struggles with us in this post Motivation & Successful People.

She might have well addressed the post to me! The bottom line is, I haven’t been making good choices. I wonder why things aren’t going as well here as they did when I was in Denver — I go out to eat as much now as I did then, but I realize my choices are and were much different. In Denver, I’d go to Wendy’s and have a small chili with garden salad and FF dressing, no croutons. In Long Beach, I have a double double with animal style fries. Hmm. Go figure why I am gaining weight.

In an effort to reverse the engines away from more weight gain, I sat down yesterday to create a small menu of healthy, but great foods, to get me back into the kitchen. I have on the menu:

Skinnytaste — Chicken Fajitas and Crock Pot Chicken Cacciatore

Emily Bites — Lasagna cupcakes

These couple of recipes, in addition to my lunches and breakfasts, will get me back in the kitchen and making portioned, tracked foods. After spending a few days in San Francisco, I am off again on another short trip — this time to Estes Park and Colorado Springs. I will make a conscious effort to limit the “bad” foods, drink iced tea and water and get some activity while I’m there!

Wrong Direction

I’m a terrible blogger. You’d think that because I wrote for a job I would write for fun any time of the day, but the truth is the last thing I want to do after working all day is sit at the computer even longer. Maybe I also don’t put much effort into blogging because I have been failing myself and I think that people read blogs to gain inspiration, not read how someone is not making the best choices.

I guess I’ll just come out and say it. In the last five months, I’ve gained back 12 pounds. It fluctuates from time to time, but on average I am about 205 — which is 10 pounds more than I weighed in September/October. I feel so disappointed in myself! I worked so hard to get out of the 200’s…and I was so happy to see the 90’s start to get lower and lower — and then the move came.

Throw in all the new places to eat and the friends to see and I am back to never making food at home and gaining weight. Now I am back in the 200’s (where I swore I’d never be) and the scale is either going in the wrong direction or not budging. I was getting to the point where I went to the gym twice a day for 30-40 minutes each time so I could get my Active Link to light up and even after a month of that, the scale didn’t show any good loss. The end of February was a nightmare in terms of work, so I sat all day at the computer and didn’t spare any time to go to the gym and then ate out every meal because I didn’t want to cook and clean.

We just came back from a trip to San Francisco, and while I didn’t go crazy with the food (hubby and I shared almost everything) I still had this little voice in the back of my head that I wanted to come home and start cooking again. I used to have an interest in cooking and enjoy all the amazing things I was eating and losing weight each week on the scale — and there are so many things I used to do while living in Colorado that I don’t do here.

For example, menu planning. Something as simple as sitting down with cookbooks, food blogs or whatever is the key to my weight loss — and saving money (which some of you know is going to be imperative in the next month or so). For me, this is how menu planning affects my life and is the foundation for everything else I do:

Menu planning — I stay on track with points, don’t spend too much at the store and I always know what I am going to eat.

When I don’t plan, I get hungry (or hangry. lol) I look in my refrigerator and see nothing but crappy stuff that won’t taste good. Well, it won’t taste good because I want chili from Wendy’s! Then I go out to eat, spend money and blow my points. The food that is in the fridge goes bad because I don’t eat it, thus causing me literally to throw away money.

I think a lot about food. Despite being on Weight Watchers for two years, I still struggle with thinking about food all the time. When I don’t have a menu plan, my mind wanders to all of those tempting foods out there I could get because there’s nothing at home. Making a menu plan helps me stay focused. I’m hungry at 2 p.m.? Don’t worry, there is a string cheese and banana waiting for me. I wake up hungry? Oatmeal and a smoothie are on a menu, so I shouldn’t tell my hubby we need to go out for breakfast.

Today is my first day back from finishing a ton of work and vacation. You can bet the first thing I am doing is making a menu, grocery list, cutting coupons and getting back in the kitchen. I know that my first 32 pounds of loss were purely because what I did in the kitchen. It’s time to snap out of it, make food and get back to enjoying what I make — the restaurants aren’t going anywhere! They need to stay a special treat and not a daily occurrence.